day 4

 Hello! Today is another day. Turns out yesterday was just a rough day for my brain. I've really enjoyed today so far, especially because we moved our "clean house" deadline... to the beginning of June. Well. Probably for the best. I've really enjoyed cleaning and having the enjoyment without the pressure is nice, because then I can plan to go out for nice weather, or snuggle with my kids, and like... well, I need deadlines usually, and we still have one, but I'm also motivated. And also wildly out of shape. So my poor body needs breaks. But my brain really wants to keep going. I actually drank my coffee and had my meds right before second child's taekwondo lesson, so I was sitting there making lists and planning out the day. I still haven't figured out dinner yet, because Morning Me was a little more ambitious, like, I have oldish sausage, and I still have a cucumber, I wonder if I could try those bahn mi tacos again (we got it in a meal kit I forgot to cancel, whoooooops, but it was an interesting meal). Now that I'm tired - having almost finished the living room AND VACUUMED, YAAAAAY!!! - I'm not sure I want to shred carrots and slice cucumbers and experiment with sausage. I guess I could do most of it sitting down... perhaps I'll see if the cucumber has survived this long and go from there. My other top options right now are super supper and beef with cheese dumplings. Not sure I have enough sour cream for the first one, but I'm preeeetty sure I have ingredients for the second one. Most are preserved: canned tomatoes, dried herbs, frozen ground beef, bisquick. I guess I need to use up green onions but not tonight. Ooooor what if I threw them in the beef with cheese dumplings? Wow I keep trying to spell dumblings hahahaha. I wonder how they would taste with green onions instead of (or maybe in addition too) dried onion. Could be yummy right? Garnished with the greens after. Hmmmm. I shall ponder. 

Sadly, I'm still depressed. Or is it burned out? Sadly, I'm still tired. But! I'm sooo optimistic about the future. It's okay to have an off-day, a rest day. But lately almost every day has been an off day, and I was still probably more productive yesterday than I was on some of my better days before. (My worth is not my productivity, my worth is not my productivity, my worth is NOT my productivity... but it is nice to be able to do things I've been meaning to do. And like, they say tidiness is good for mental health, right?...)

I'm really, REALLY hoping that in a day or two, I'll stop feeling so achy all the time. So when I finish this round of meds, I'll be a little stronger at the end, have a little more energy for day to day life.