Conflict would be nice

 Sometimes I'm so frustrated with myself. I wish I knew how to speak up. In all likelihood I'm making assumptions based on people's comments, but I don't want them to know I'm thinking badly about them so I don't clarify. Instead I just think bad things and think they hate me or resent ME, which makes me resent THEM just a little, and it would be so much nicer if I could just communicate like a human being!! Let it out, self. God I just get so angry about it, too. UGH. UGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

That's all for now. I need to do something more than write about it. But maybe if I write about something else, it'll be ok? 

I kind of wish this spring break had more fun things in it. We did a fun thing on Tuesday and it kind of wiped me out, and then husband had pink eye and extreme photosensitivity on Wednesday, but yesterday was soooo lovely I wish we had gone outside. Poor oldest child was like crying because she was bored and wanted to go to a park. Definitely made me feel like a jerk. But I really didn't sleep well that night. I think I need to replace the nose piece on my cpap - I don't think it's holding a seal well and waking me up. Or maybe I just sleep like poo still. Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe I'm wrong and should try and be all energizer bunny anyway. It's not like I was energetic on Tuesday. I was tired, but I was a little excited. I'm sort of excited to go to a new park today, but my baby hasn't wanted to get dressed all week so I anticipate some pushback, even though she loves parks. 

Ugh I'm still a little mad so maybe I'll meditate or take a walk. I guess I should get dressed - park is in less than two hours, which is a lot but also everyone needs to have a little snack and I probably should pack some water and youngest and I need to get dressed and husband probably won't go because he still has lingering photosensitivity. Sigh.