back again

 Though today I'm less angry - I am, however, still slow and unmotivated. Or... maybe just resting? I don't know. I was pretty tired, and I anticipate things like going to the park, spending time with the kids, maybe even taking them to the store (uh maybe). But I would actually like to get some of the recycling off the floor, do some sweeping so crumbs aren't everywhere, maybe vacuum the living room?? Or at least clear the floor for vacuuming. I want to do those things, but I'm so tired all I really can stand to do is lay on the couch. I started a new book, and I don't love love it, but I identify with the main character, so that's nice.

Also, my husband told me I'm pretty, and maybe I'll even ask him to say it to me more often. It was nice. I was still a little meh after yesterday, and then I was wearing this spaghetti strap shirt to sleep in (less sweaty, yay!) but the contrast of my red, round face, and my white, round shoulders made me feel a little self-conscious. I remind myself that my kids and  husband see my like that all the time and that's normal for them, but for some reason I don't see myself and think "normal," I think either "ugh" or occasionally, "that's nice." Paradigm shift time? 

So anyway I wanted to at least get some thoughts out. I think it does help my brain. Maybe not my creative juices or whatever, but it's fun for me to write a blog. I'm glad I started one again. Though maybe I should set it to private because the thought of someone reading this does make my skin crawl a little. On the other hand, it's nice to be seen, you know? So maybe I want someone to read it but never actually talk to me about it? I don't know. That seems weird too. I used to use my social media to scream into the void, and I guess I still do sometimes, but once I started actually using it to communicate with people, and I cared about individuals following me, I try to be more considerate. Not just complaints or vagueness. 

Enter blog! I can write whatever I want, at least for now, and NO ONE CAN STOP ME. Mwahaha? 

I should probably eat lunch. And drink some water. And pee again? Must be the second cup of caffeine kicking in. Goodness I was so tired this morning.