how do I find joy?

I'm so dang tired all the time, so I pass time... sometimes I'm productive, I try to be mindfully restful, not just doom scrolling, but while I enjoy the thought of making art, or baking something tasty, I just... have no motivation. 

I did some budgeting this morning, and maybe that's not as dire as I feared (though with our credit card debt, it might not be great either). Maybe it's because my baby is coming home early? Which I like but I don't really have plans. And also I haven't set up a parent teacher conference. Haven't even gotten dressed. Just laying in bed scrolling tiktok, watching other people create things (music, art, a wooden bowl).

Sigh. Maybe I'm just hungry. I haven't been great at feeding myself lately, especially like fiber and nutrients. Dang I just realized I didn't even take my meds - I forgot yesterday too, but I just assumed it was because I didnt sit down to eat at my spot. Today I did though... Dang. My poor soupy brain 😭 how do I be gentle with myself and still like.... eat? Take meds? Practice proper hygiene? 

Maybe I'll just get dressed and play terraria again.