oh hey blog

So big news: my mom died. Just over a week ago. I don't really want to sit down and process it, so I haven't exactly been avoiding thinking about it, but also it's like a big angry welt. Cleaning it and bandaging it might help but for now it's too sensitive to touch. Still hurts of course. 

Anyway I'm glad she's not dying anymore, but it turns out it might actually be worse now that she's dead. Waiting for her to die was terrible. But knowing she's gone? It's so sad. No last goodbye, no one more kiss, no more holding her hand and squeezing "I love you." She was just gone. My sister visited the day before and said her breathing was rattling and I knew it wasn't good, but I thought "oh maybe I'll go down on Monday" and I got a text on Sunday that she had died about an hour ago. So no more Mommy for me. God I'm so sad about it.