more good for myself

My 5yo has been very needy this morning (and so cute!) and I have been overwhelmed and unhappy. I want to blame others but there's got to be something internal, too. Maybe I did that thing again where I wanted to make plans and then those plan potentials got steamrolled. Yeah, come to think of it, I was planning a fun day off and my husband was planning a productive day off and I guess that was that. Poo. 

I kind of wanted to go to a park and also have snacks and do a little writing club with the kids for novel November. But I guess husband's parents might come up for Thanksgiving so he wants the house to be clean enough to give them a tour. 

Thinking about cleaning this house makes me so tired. I just started Finch again and it recommended "put one thing back in its place" or something... Baby steps. That's okay. Even big projects probably wouldn't be toooo bad as long as I have a garbage bag, recycle receptacle, and toy bin. But starting is too hard, which is why I'm like okay, one thing is a good step. Because let's be honest, it's usually a couple things, not just one. Like when people set a timer for ten minutes - it's just the starting that's hard. 

I might also be sad because I started a new game yesterday that I was hoping to play a little, but the kids are on my laptop so I feel like I can't play. Because I'm so bad at standing up for myself... 😭 Maybe I'll go take a shower and that will be another thing that I do for myself. 

You know what else makes me tired? The many, many appointments for my 5yo next month. Uggghhhhhh that makes me SO TIRED. oh I was also thinking of taking the kids out to ice cream, but I just realized my 11yo talked my husband into buying Taco Bell lunch, so probably should eat ice cream at home. Maybe I'll try and make some hot fudge or brownies to make it special. Or... we could just clean and be sad and healthier. Hmph. I hate feeling sad and grumpy. Grrr.