do something good for yourself

Just watched an... inspirational?... animation/song that told me to do something good for myself, and I'll be glad I did. Journal your feelings was one suggestion and I was like, oh hey, I used to do that. I remember liking it. I'm not ready to get up juuuuust yet, so here's to building positive momentum and hopefully being glad I did. 

I'm feeling that "on the cusp," maybe I'm actually ready to make a change in my life, feeling. Kind of scary, kind of invigorating. Maybe I'll actually start doing sub work! Or maybe I should just rest because the first week of December we have THREE appointments at the children's hospital. Thanksgiving is coming, I should go visit my mom again, my house is a safety hazard... But maybe if I start working again I'll feel like a worthwhile human. Maybe earning money will FIX me. lolsob

It could be that I'm just real tired. My 5yo has slept with me pretty much every night for the last two weeks. Maybe more! And it's cute but also I don't sleep as well when I'm trying to share space with a little person. I guess she at least hasn't gotten me out of bed before 5 for a while, and that's nice. Just... of COURSE I went to bed late last night, and she tried to come in at 11:30 (I was moments away from getting off my phone and trying to sleep) so I didn't get to bed until closer to midnight, and she ended up climbing back in bed with me later anyway... I love her so much but I'm so tired and I'm not sure how to get rest while still making sure she's cared for. 

Also I have gotten up to make ramen for my 9yo but laid down again to finish this blog post, so maybe that's my momentum for today. I might need to post again to think through more things.