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I'm having FEELINGS. And I'm pretty sure it's from missing several doses of antidepressants - a few weeks ago, right on schedule really - but unfortunately knowing the source does not make me feel any more settled. Alas. 

Today is mostly heavy. Don't want to read, doom scrolling through various social media platforms, feels like I'm searching for something but I'm not really sure what. 

I kind of did things, too, which is rude. One of those things was stay in bed until 10:30, so why am I so tired?? Baby girl didn't even sleep in my room at all last night, couldn't I just feel rested for once? But like, took a kid to the mall, took other kids and a friend to the park for an hour, picked up the mall kid... I guess that was mostly it. Had too much for dinner. French onion soup and leftovers and some zucchini bread... I made two loaves yesterday and we're down to half a loaf. Might need to get more zucchini! Mmm. Dang it, remembering my zucchini bread makes me want more! I think it's like a, uh, disregulation thing - like you get happy feeling when you first taste things, and then AGAIN when it hits your stomach, so eating is highly incentivized... So anyway I guess I want some happy feelings. 

I should put my baby to bed. 

Change her diaper, too... poor kid, she's had a stinky butt for a while but she wouldn't let me change it earlier and it's been long enough I bet her skin is irritated. Sigh. I need to find an occupational therapist. And maybe a new life. No, scratch that, I do really like my kids and would be sad not to have them 😮‍💨 I suppose there's no guarantee going back fifteen years would prevent me from going into burnout. After all, I thought I could handle things until I couldn't, and I still do that when I have a little energy.