what makes happiness?

 I'm not depressed, but I am in a little lull. Maybe because I'm so dang tired... the night before last, I had to get up for a kid and took a long time to fall asleep, and last night I went to bed around 11 but my 5yo crawled into bed sometime in the night and I woke up a lot after that. I took another kid to taekwondo and then my oldest to a friend's house, and my husband and I went out to lunch (we've now had a date this year!), and I can see the sun shining outside and I'm thinking to myself, if I could recharge like a battery, would that make me happy? Would reading feel happy? I blog more often because I think sorting through my thoughts helps me not to be as depressed. 

Sometimes I wonder if it's more than just what I can do. Like, I have life circumstances that make it hard to do what I want to do. I'm TIRED. I have a disabled child. I mean, I have FOUR children in general. I actually wouldn't mind cleaning and making little happy spaces for myself (and our family!) but I'm so so tired. And I can smell a poopy butt that I need to clean up. And I need to make dinner. Probably should give my kids a bath tonight. 

Does the balancing ever get easier? The "needs" v "wants"? I didn't want to spend money on eating out but we needed a date... I want to bake yummy treats but when I do I get too tired to make dinner. 

Maybe it's a headache, sometimes I don't realize I have one of those until I've been grumpy for a few hours. 

Anyway I think I'm going to marinade some chicken before dinner. Gonna open up my mirin and cooking sake and hope I don't hate the smells too much! Maybe I should open the sake outside just in case... I really hope I don't regret this recipe. Just wanted to try something new! (actually I couldn't find my previous teriyaki chicken recipe, I loved it so much even though it had so much sugar in it. basically soy sauce and sugar and, like, garlic. Vinegar probably, but not half as much as the sugar. it was so good and I miss it, but the internet is so full of recipes now that I can't find that old, old blog post, sad face.)