Not great!

 My mom broke her arm but on closer inspection, they found some lesions? Something unusual about the scans that could indicate a spreading of cancer. And I hate it! There was something unusual about her initial biopsy but the doctors still wanted to proceed with the surgery to remove it so I figured it probably was some funny genetic marker. I really didn't look into it at ALL, I didn't want to. I wanted my mommy to be a surgery away from being fine, like her mom was. My grandma had breast cancer and it turned out fine, she lived for a long time after. Maybe even younger than my mom. This lesions thing, it could also be a nothingburger but GOD my mom is a stroke survivor, just found out she had cancer, and broke her arm. ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?? And my poor dad. I wish one of us could go take care of everything for him, but we just aren't good at that. Maybe we could afford to hire someone more frequently... I wish living weren't so expensive. Especially now. I wish I could move Mom into our guest room but they have a life and friends down there. 

And meanwhile, kids still have to go to school, my baby might be getting cochlear implants, my mental health hasn't been awesome and now it's been flushed. I need to get groceries? Make dinner? Wash dishes and laundry and make lunches and?? I'm just a girl! How am I supposed to do anything when my mommy might be dying?? Or maybe she's going to be okay! I have no idea of knowing. It makes my head hurt and my heart hurt and it's hard to be emotionally or even physically present for my family. I've been wanting to run away for more than a week and I can't tell if it's getting better or worse. And the past few days, I don't want to do anything which is a pretty big depression red flag. I'm reading but I can't concentrate and I don't enjoy it like I did a week ago. I don't want to play Minecraft, or read comics, or... anything. 

I'm going to lunch with my sister, and hopefully that will help a little. But of course one of my kids is staying home sick today. 

Man my head hurts. I think I need to go take something. 

Probably doesn't help that my cute baby stole my phone and I actually kind of need it soon. Suppose I could always take her to the store with me. Oh and the store? I feel like I should pop in to Costco but I'm so tired. Just bring it out to my car. So maybe I won't today. Oh but I guess my other kid requested a pizza lunchable so I need to walk in the store. Uggghhhh I forgot I have to make them a lunch. And get my baby breakfast and get her ready for school. Because I know it's not on purpose but my husband isn't feeling well, so it's all on me again.