It's Cancer

 Finally got to see my mom and sister. Sister told me that no one was certain if mom was stage 1 or stage 4, so hopefully the tests she's doing over this next week clear things up. Apparently the PET scan relies on glucose, and mom's blood sugar has been too high to accurately use glucose as a contrast, so they're doing a CT scan and a nuclear medical scan(?) to try and get similar imaging. I read up on stage 4 breast cancer, and the bad news is it's not cureable, but the goodish news is that doesn't mean it's terminal. They treat it and occasionally adjust treatment plans to kind of keep the cancer from being a Problem. Mom might not even lose her hair. Speaking of hair, I cut hers the last time I was there. I am NOT a hair dresser but I do cut my kids hair and mine. Both of which are different, but it turned out okayish. She mostly wanted it shorter, especially in the back where it would catch on the headband she wears to listen to audio books. 

Next research is cochlear implants... I'm so torn. My little girl loves the sounds around her, even if her brain doesn't process them in a way that allows her to access speech. She sort of signs, she'd probably sign more if we all actually did it. (I do, when I can, but I definitely plateaued in my own language acquisition which hasn't done anyone any favors.) I just hate to take it away without any input from her, and I guess maybe we'd just be better about wearing the implants than we are about the hearing aids... The thing is she's losing hearing. But how fast? Is it worth throwing away her hearing now to get her started on cochlear input because she'll lose it eventually? Ugh I wish we could talk with her a little bit about it. I wish I had signed us up for those family sign lessons. I wish a lot of things, if we're wishing why not just wish we found out about this when she was born like we're supposed to? Sigh. I wish we weren't so tired. I wish I wish I wish. I love her a lot though. She's seriously SO precious and adorable and funny and energetic and such a little personality. 

Yesterday I tried to chill and relax. Today I did a grocery pickup and also tried to chill and relax. Finished a book - the book club is reading Lula Dean's Little Free Library of Banned Books. It's a good read - I saw it listed as satire and I guess that fits, in that it sort of caricatures real life scenarios, but in a hopeful way I don't usually associate with satire. Most of the banned books were real ones, but there was one I couldn't find, The Girl's Guide to the Revolution. She listed it in the afterward (or was it acknowledgements?) that it was one she made up and hoped someone else would write. Me too. We need it yesterday. 

I didn't put away my groceries though so between my kids picking through them, I think they managed to open up all the treats and snacks. lolsob. I spend so much on groceries, partially because none of us has any self control to enjoy things tomorrow. It must be enjoyed when we see it. At least I got some good deals... eh