Feeling Ordinary

It's a morning

I got to have lunch with my sister yesterday and told her about running away - she offered to let me come visit overnight and told me it could be like "running away lite" and I LOVE that so much, it makes me laugh. I feel a lot of pressure about bedtime but maybe it would be good for me? Anyway it's nice to know I have an option. 

This morning has been pretty standard - I made one kid a lunch and ate my breakfast burrito (normally I don't do eggs in the morning, but I could get used to that) but my baby isn't awake so maybe it's not really a standard morning? I feel like I could lay down and read for a bit, maybe go snuggle her up in my bed. That sounds nice, maybe I'll lay in bed and wait for her to steal my phone. Maybe bring the switch up so I can play minecraft? My mornings are pretty chill until around 10:30-11 when I realize she has to eat and get ready for school and then I get a little panic-y but she gets on the bus and then it's chill again until she comes home again. I love preschool. Next year she'll be at school all day, what is that even going to be like? Actually I'm hoping to be working more or something career development by then so maybe I'll be busy. I like doing nothing but I'm not great at self-motivation so I'm not anxious to be at home all day by myself. I don't really do projects. I wouldn't mind volunteering at the schools but I also wouldn't mind some extra income. Best of both worlds maybe? Part time job and volunteering/being available for kids? Just until my baby starts talking, that's actually not the worst idea. Maybe I can try some different jobs to see what I like. Scratch that, that's a terrible idea. 

There was this one time when I was browsing Indeed and I saw a job opening and I was like "MAYBE THIS IS IS" - my mom had an opportunity kind of fall into her lap, and I'm just sort of dreaming of it. But subbing, which I'm trying to apply for, did feel like it fell into my lap - I just have to actually get my transcript and write a resume. But I still browse Indeed sometimes. I saw this thing about failure and women taking up space and I thought - what if I just applied to whatever sounded interesting? Not worry about qualifications or childcare, and they'll probably reject me, but what if we're a fit and suddenly I find something I love to do? It's a stretch. But also maybe it'll help me find out what I actually want to do? Outside of what is "good for my family."