C is for... Covid

 Husband tested positive for covid this morning. Sad face. Waaaah. Why. I mean, I know why, we haven't been terribly careful, but I still hate it. I hate to think that my kids have it too, and how it might be affecting their future. UGH. And school is almost over and my poor kids are missing their last days. Which will probably be fine, eventually, though I'm hoping I can send them for the last day and a half. We'll see I guess. 

Anyway. It's been a week. I'm supposed to find someone to go in and help my mom and I'm not doing well. I've had someone home all week, I keep forgetting, I feel tired and terrible like now... I stayed up too late last night and, well, let's just say I've started considering not being alive anymore (not like, seriously, but, like, not motivated to live). Which is a shame because the night before I had started a little writing project that I've really enjoyed - I like writing! and I even chose to stay up late the night before just because I didn't want to stop. It's funny, because thinking about writing "well" paralyzes me a little bit, but also since I'm not writing particularly well I don't want to let anyone look at it ever. Whoopsies. But I am having a LOT of fun with it, doing that thing where I write the novel I want to read. Little bit of fantasy, little bit of real life, a little bit of average protagonist still having an adventure, a little bit about myself. 

I talked with someone the other day about psychedelic chocolate and now I want to cure my depression again. I wonder if it helps with long covid? Because now that's on my brain, too. Husband and I talked very briefly about paxlovid this morning, even though he's been sick for a few days, but I realized we don't have insurance so how will we get a prescription... (oh hey I just googled it, we can get a free telehealth appointment in WA! I love living here. Still would have to pay for the drugs though I think, since we haven't applied for healthcare. Ugh I hate having to actually do things.)

Hmph. I almost feel like one day I might be "better," and a lot of the times I feel like poop. And tired. GOD I'm so tired. And sad. And lonely. Yeah.... the lonely one makes me sad. Maybe I'll take the last two months of my prescription to wean myself off and then start a psychedelic regiment. (One of them is even legal! I believe it's microdosing through a company, just quite a lot more than prozac.) So yeah it'd be nice if we could pause all the important stuff and just take a nap or walk around enjoying the sunshine and flowers. Maybe we'll take a drive...... since they're sick, we can all go together maybe. Or possibly that wouldn't be as stress relieving, but I had some anecdotal data that a scenic drive can be a little like meditation. Which would be so nice right now. The weather is just perfect. 

One thing though.... when we get home from the store I'll have a couple covid tests. Ugh. I just realized I should use three. I thought I could get away with two but one of my kids doesn't actually seem sick like the others and she's the one who does all the extracurricular activities. 

GASP I just realized I can register one of my younger kids for girl scouts this next year.... she'll be so happy. That's a bit of good news. Even if I have to actually do it.