a day to self-therapy...ize

 I have therapy on Thursday and I keep thinking, I want to discuss this with her! Or that! Or what IF... so I thought maybe I'd try and counsel with myself.

Also, have I mentioned I'm considering becoming a therapist? it's one of the few things I'd love to do that I feel like can be flexible enough for long term, including summers. I've been very hung up on careers and summers, I think that one might be do-able. AND I think it's a pretty clear schooling path. I know a few therapists so I might be able to ask them where to start. 

That's one issue I thought of talking with her about. But first I think I'll ask the lady at church who I'm pretty sure is a therapist. 

Another thing, maybe this one is more urgent, I'm not sure, is I'm starting to recognize feelings in myself that I think I've been pushing down - identifying with songs where you burn everything down and live life to the fullest kind of things. Somewhere, I might be feeling held back. Is it monetary? Emotional? Can I fix it or do I need to break it? Anyway, it's not EXACTLY unsettling to realize, but I can recall the moment I first listened to this one song and my heart was like YESSSS and I felt so ENERGIZED and I like that energized feeling and I'd like it more in my life, thankyouverymuch.

Oh so a funny thing happened yesterday... one of my kids was asking to order food from a few different places she likes to eat from (she's pretty picky), and I ended up deciding to do chicken  nuggets, and as I stood in the kitchen preparing, she was so sad because she thought I had agreed to make her orange chicken, too. I was so sad because I realized another kid had nuggets for school lunch (though they were quite different), so it was like I was just making them for maybe dad, mom, and baby, which is half the family. So I stood there, feeling heavy with sadness and resenting dinner. I considered the possibility of making orange chicken, too, decided it wouldn't be too hard, and felt quite a lot better once I had decided. I was definitely very tired, but the energy I spent making multiple dinners (another kid asked me to boil some corn on the cob and I said yes) was easier than dealing with the heaviness of discouragement and fighting over dinner. 

Oh no. I just realized I was at costco and didn't get more orange chicken. NOOOOO. 

Well. Maybe I'll self-therap...ize... again another time. I'm about done out for now. And my baby has been quiet for way too long.