not a tiktok

 I almost impulsively posted a tiktok this morning, except I made the content about being hesitant to post a tiktok so I can't get myself to hit send. Maybe I'll do one about depression instead. I'm afraid of being perceived, and when I actually made one with exmo content, it was Perceived and I think it would be good to get over that fear but it was such a lame video haha. And now I'm making a blog post about it, but so far this hasn't really been Perceived so it feels safter. And more chill. It's for me, I don't have to make it interesting (I guess maybe I should feel the same about any social media content). I also need to cover my dang mouth when I cough, ugh, I'm so gross. I've been getting too lax about it at home and now I'm discovering matter on my clothes/arm/computer UGH STOP IT SELF. So gross.

Anyway. I've been feeling quite a lot better the last few days, yesterday I even felt great, for a little bit! I took my toddler outside to play on her scooter before taking her to Costco and I did really well until it felt like my blood sugar crashed and I didn't have any energy left. Eating helped a little but I didn't have enough time to rest before the older kids started coming home so that shafted my mental state a little bit. Too overwhelming I think. Still, I made pizza for dinner (homemade crust, washed THREE pans for it) - though admittedly my very cute 7yo probably did at least as much as I did. I'd spread the dough, she'd help a little with the sauce and then I'd smooth it out, and then aside from the first pizza where I made a "no cheese" line, she added all the cheese and pepperoni. And then I did the oven, since that's a little scary for her. It was yummy! I've had trouble with my doughs lately and I remembered something from the great british baking show where they said the pizza dough should be more wet to give it that loose structure and I think I had been using as little water as possible so this time I made it a little too wet, added a wee bit more flour, and it was a great dough. I need to try that really long, over-night version again though, this was good but I wouldn't mind if it was even MORE good, and I remember that one being pretty delish. I'm just not great at planning ahead right now. Like I probably should have thawed out some chicken overnight so I can make sweet and sour or sesame chicken or something. (Though I do have some underripe pineapple that I bet would be nice in a sweet and sour........ hmm. I could probably use the frozen onions & peppers, too, instead of worrying about buying and chopping fresh.)

See! It's so nice! I promised myself I'd take it easy today but I actually kind of want to do some stuff. (Kind of. Wanting to is still nice, for me.) Oh but I think I committed to taking Natalie to buy some bras after school so I better chill. I think we were going to try a boba tea after school. (I bought a little kit at costco, it's pretty fun looking. It even came with the big straws!) 

See all these things I'm willing to try?? I didn't actually think the new medication dose would solve everything, and maybe it won't, but I'm willing to try it for another while, if things keep on keeping on. I'm certainly much better than I was this time last week. Okay that's not fair, this time last week I was quite sick. Getting better from being sick has done a lot for my mental health. But I really am going to try and take it easy, I don't want to get worn out before our big weekend. Ugh. Which I'm stressed about. I really need to look up what we need and stuff. Or recruit my husband to make sure we plan appropriately.