not a great time

I have some shocking news: turns out it kinda sucks not to be believed. When it's not even "this is what happened" but "this is what I believe about myself." It probably sucks worse to have concrete facts be denied (the great tragedy of being born a woman, or Black, or gay). But it still sucks to say to someone you trust, I believe I'm having this experience, see the doubt on their face, and have them say "I don't believe that's the experience you're having." So what if I am misinterpreting my experience?? If I wanted your input, I WOULD HAVE ASKED. 

I'm still not sure about it myself but I've been thinking about it for a LONG time. Some things feel hard that don't seem like they should feel hard. Some things feel easier that other people struggle with. In many cases I feel lazy and less than. And it certainly doesn't help to say "but you aren't!" I know we're all different. But I finally found a group that I identify with, where we are different but also in many ways the same, and it's helped me look at my shortcomings in a new light, offering new perspectives to find a way through. 

Anyway. It's not my first rodeo (which... might almost be worse actually). But also it kind of makes me feel like... What if I'm that girl who watches too many tiktoks and self diagnoses problems that aren't real issues?? I guess that could be something I talk about in therapy next week....