aaaaand depression

 I was all energized earlier (not to be confused with energetic) and then dinner approached and I slowly faded away. Maybe my subconscious is rebelling against a chore I deem unworthy of my interest. 

But then I remembered that the meal kit service that I had paused but not cancelled had resumed and what a DOWNER. Mediocre meals, too, nothing I'm too excited about (though I remember one of my kids really liked the jam sauce for one of the meals, so... yay?). It's like $82 for the box of three meals so I'm a little upset with myself for dropping that ball, but mentally I've checked out of the budget a little, too. Not that I'm trying to go crazy, but also I'm not going to worry about the things that we really want to do - like an expensive joint birthday party that I haven't actually set up but I'M GOING TO. Don't even care if it's in the budget. No room for birthday presents? Eh, we'll get a bonus eventually... yeah that's how it's going up here. 

Predictably, writing it out is helping a little. And also I kind of want to just... write? I had this thing going for a while where I started a new story idea every day (because continuing the previous one was too intimidating) and maybe I'll do it again! Maybe I'll add some thoughts to my "memoir" (I really hesitate to call it that but what else would I call it?).

Or maybe I'll wallow in self-pity and maybe self-loathing for so easily abandoning my newfound strength to not care and ask for what I want.

.... I need a nap. A nap usually helps at times like this. Or a story to dissociate for a little. Maybe that's not helping?.... meh.