It's the Morning

 Maybe I should have come up with a better title... but I'm still so tired. A little less despairing, but not exactly GREAT. I did end up making a list. It's kind of nice to not have to worry about my brain real estate. I even started writing down some recipes I want to try/make, which was one of the items on my list! 

I think about doing therapy on Friday though and I get a little bit like... maybe it's not worth it. I can't do the things we talked about last time so is it really worth doing this week? Won't she be frustrated that maybe I'm not actually ready to change? And last time it was so short I didn't actually feel better afterward... that's really sad. Maybe I'll reschedule and just try to blog more often. You and me and the whole entirety of the internet. Definitely couldn't backfire on me, right?... I guess I could make it private for a while. Or just some new personal docs on my puter for really sensitive stuff.

After my last therapy appointment I looked into finding a job. I'm so tired though it's hard to imagine doing it. I have a hard time standing for more than an hour. Hopefully I'd just get stronger but what if I don't? What if it makes me incapacitated? I found an early morning baker position at my nearby coffee shop/cafe, which honestly was like my dream job (at least for a re-entry into the workforce position), but I'm too scared to apply, so I keep thinking it's probably gone by now. I need to make sure husband feels confident about getting kids to school on those mornings, get my food handler's permit, and like, actually make a resume and apply. So hopefully I'll find something like that again. Actually it wasn't quite like a dream job because it was mostly bread and croissants and a lot of vegan/"healthy" foods. I am not confident about laminated doughs,  but I wouldn't mind learning - however, I'd rather make a lot of pretty, decadent treats if I could. That's a dream. Cake decorating, muffins or filled pastries, sugar glazes, decorating... hmm. I think I'm excited about making things pretty. 😍 Good to know moving forward. 

Still, that position started two days a week, 4:30-9 AM, which is pretty much ideal for me in terms of not dealing with childcare and starting small to build up endurance. Maybe I'll see if it's still open. 

Oh, some other good news (though I haven't confirmed it yet), it seems we were missing like 1k in the budget which is why we've felt so financially tight. So maybe we can actually do some stuff. Though I'm still considering begging for a 5% tithe, or tithing on "his" half, so we can have a dedicated family fund. That sounds AMAZING - bowling or arcade, birthday parties, saving for a trip? Buying bicycles for family rides? I LOVE the idea, and hopefully it'll make it more palatable than "stop giving to the church," more of a "build the kingdom in our family" kind of approach. 

He's just so stressed because his shoulder has really been bothering him and he's seen the surgeon who says it'll probably be another surgery and he's not happy about it. I should have had him discuss pain management in the mean time - he seems hesitant to take painkillers every day. (I am, sadly, SO beyond that - I don't love the idea but I'm so sick of being in pain. Well, maybe I'm not as beyond it as I thought, I was taking tylenol every day but now I'm hoping my antihistamine is helping more so I'm more hesitant to turn to pain killers.) 

Tangent - I have headaches all the time, but because I was in pain on vacation at my parent's house, I took ibuprofen and thus some of her zyrtec to help with potential allergic reaction. My headache went away within probably half an hour! So I'm not certain if it was the ibuprofen which I don't take often (see: potential allergic reaction), or the zyrtec, but I've been taking it every day for a while now and I only need tylenol half as often, sometimes less. I give that a big thumbs up!

Ultimate tangent: I've run out of time and I need to get off my computer.