In My Feels

Not sure what it is about this morning... I was feeling motivated, and while I've done a good amount so far, I'm mostly feeling moody. So I guess the main difference is not the lack of motivation, but rather the enjoyment of accomplishment. Every task feels like a hum-drum, never ending chink of a cog in the wheel of life and like, does it really matter if I keep turning it? But it feels like future me will maybe be happy if I do the work now, so here we go again. 

Or maybe I'm resentful because my partner got to lay in bed, eat his breakfast, and then go do a group chat with his friends. It's not really a big deal, and I didn't mean to make it more meaningful, but here I am. I guess I need to plan something with my friends. Shrug. 

I talked with my therapist about ideas to feel less resentful, such as actually asking him to take on a whole thing, and not a case-by-case basis (and of course he can ask me for help if he needs) - but it's such a hard conversation for me, and I haven't been able to do it yet. Therapist and I have talked about it for a long time. She's probably just a little frustrated with me, though she'd never show it, she's so nice. She very gently suggested maybe it's time for a couples therapist?... heh, yeah, probably was about a year ago. But I hear they aren't covered by insurance usually so now is NOT a good time, our budget is in panic mode a little bit. Or I'm in panic mode about our budget a little bit. 

(which makes me feel like maybe I should go check on the budget, see how we're doing... yikes.)

Anyway, I should go do more of the things I need to do (laundry mostly, but also tidying). Yay.