First!

 Ooooh look, fresh new blog! 

Alright, that was for me.

And my therapist. She said she'd want to look at it 🙈 because I decided perhaps this was a good way to process things. 

A brief introduction: I've had depression for 7 years now, as a result of pregnancy. My THIRD pregnancy, and I've had one more since then. So 4 girls, depression, and deconstructing Mormonism... you are in for a RIDE. 

I was Mormon all growing up. I loved it a lot. Apparently I was lucky: no abuse or behaviors I recognized as misogynistic. Perhaps my disposition was well-suited to Mormonism, or also I suspect I might be autistic and the combination of structure and rules did it for me. I could only overlook the harm done to others for so long, though - I LOVE people and it is my greatest desire to show kindness to all I can. I feel limited due to my own low energy, and I don't have a ton of money to throw at people, so all that's left is my compassion. So I'm doing the best I can to be compassionate to others, which unfortunately, doesn't fully align with the tenants of my former religion (we "love" others, but we don't condone certain behaviors, so is that really love if you can't actually accept them for who they are?).

I haven't really decided how I want to format this blog: a series of chapters about my "story"? Or just write things as they come to me? It's probably going to be the second one, though I have started trying to compose a long-form post of my experience leaving the church. So maybe I'll pop a little bit of that in here as I continue to work on it. I'm so indecisive, I'm wondering if I should delete this and start anew?... well, the main point of this post is to actually help me get started, so I claim the right to delete and edit at my leisure. Take THAT, uh, invisible readers. 

Send post.