Exmo vs Postmo

 I just saw a post on social media where someone said they preferred postmo because they have no negative feelings and consider themselves culturally Mormon. I suppose that's fine, but it seems a little antagonistic to post that in a group specifically for exmos telling their stories of why they aren't Mormon anymore.

Honestly I'm trying to accept that, just as Mormonism isn't the universal experience I was taught, leaving Mormonism isn't universal either. Grief affects us all in different ways. Maybe some people don't feel they have to grieve. I'm currently in this in-between space where I'm trying to feel nothing active towards the church (a little passive dislike, which is probably fine, right??) - but it's by design. My family still attend the Mormon church. In fact, I haven't actually told my children at this point, since my husband is worried they won't be able to "choose for themselves" (which is a conversation we'll have again at some point). 

But seeing the post about how someone implied because THEY didn't have negative feelings means the term postmo is superior reminded me of a conversation I was having with my therapist - sometimes, since my husband and I are still in the early stages of navigating mixed faith marriage (MFM), I get pretty angry at the church for the divide between members and nonmembers. Specifically, the teaching that only believing Mormons will get to be in heaven with their families, and everyone else will just be lonely I guess? Even though it's still technically heaven? Anyway it's created a lot of divides in families where children or spouses choose to leave - they aren't righteous anymore! Our family is being torn apart! Coffee is BAD and you shouldn't be drinking it in this righteous household! 

On the whole, my husband is a pretty great, loving guy. But like I said, we're pretty new at this, and both of us had spent our entire lives not just learning, but fervently BELIEVING that the church is the One True Way, so its teachings about family in the afterlife were absolutely the truth. At first I thought he was okay, then he finally told me it was so hard for him to try and imagine us together for life only, but he loved me so much that he still wanted to share our time together. And I'm glad he loves me but it makes me SO ANGRY at the church for putting him, putting US, in this situation. I recognize it as a scare tactic, something to make it more likely that everyone will put in the effort to stay and bring others to church. I know that, and I think it works, and it makes me so MAD!! because now my sweet husband is trying to do some mental gymnastics so he's not constantly grieving our lack of eternal future. He even told me that I wasn't breaking my covenants, like I was taking a little belief hiatus and God would welcome me back with open arms once we cleared the air. (Actually that's part of what got me through the initial grieving/leaving process - if God were really a loving, all-knowing God, he would know what was in my heart so it'd get worked out eventually. I no longer believe in it, but it helped me, too.) 

So, basically, I'm really glad for that internet stranger that holds NO bad feelings toward the church, even though I can't say I really understand. I, on the other hand, barely hold myself back for the sake of my husband who does love the church. If I look, I still can see some good, mostly done by very thoughtful, caring members who are trying to live like Jesus. But the bad, the poor leadership and culture influenced by white supremacy and prosperity gospel, is just so overwhelmingly bad that it outweighs the good. And GOD all those billions of dollars, even if they are primarily investments, surely they could cash out a few billion and do a whole lotta good for the "children of God" suffering on earth.