it is good to have plans, I guess

 Ok so. We were supposed to get together with some friends tonight for a barbeque and maybe even fireworks, but then my husband caught covid and the older kids are all VERY disappointed. (actually I'm not sure how my second kid feels, but they probably don't want to just sit around either) I have a tip that we can see fireworks from a parking lot (though I'm afraid it's not a secret and what if it's full?? do we have to go early and just sit in the car??), and we are mid-cake making. I was going to do burgers for dinner but sick husband wanted arby's so I'm not sure if anyone wants burgers now... yesterday I had talked about trying a new park, and we've got loads of time since the fireworks aren't until 10, though we've also talked about watching a movie. So do I have loads of time for park, dinner, cake decorating, movie, and fireworks? I don't know. For a while I was feeling kind of chill about my husband being down, but today my third kiddo kept asking "when are we baking the cake" and "will you play a game with me" and my oldest asked when we were going to the park, and my baby wouldn't let me change her diaper until much too late in the day, and now she won't let me change her poopy diaper, and I just feel a little stressed. Like I even did dishes last night and we baked a cake! But I still have dinner and poopy diapers and parks and you know what? I'm tired. So far I'm not sick - which is AWESOME - but I am really really tired. Which frankly I'm worried might be my body starting to get sick. 

We suspect my husband picked up covid at his high school reunion, which was Saturday. He started feeling sick on Tuesday, so just a few days later, but since I'm living with him and he's constantly exposing me/us, we could all get sick at any time. God I hate covid. I changed the air filter for my CPAP last night just in case it helps. Somehow I didn't get sick last year when he had covid. But as selfish as it is, I'm so tired and I just wish he were better so he could... change poopy diapers. Do dishes. Not order arby's or donuts or taco bell. Play with the kids. Not be sick on a holiday where I already have too much mental labor. Oh and I just remembered I bought a watermelon because that's one thing all my kids will actually eat. Burgers? Not so much. Chips? Hit and miss. Watermelon? YES. Oh and jello. I wonder if it's too late to try and make quick set jello... maybe in a flat pan so it cools faster? Maybe I'll do that... then frosting... then watermelon... then dinner, park, movie and cake, fireworks? Sounds exhausting and I hate it. I wish it sounded fun. It probably will be pretty fun, my kids are fun. But sometimes I wish I could just... relax for a bit. I mean honestly I relax all the time. ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Maybe too much. Maybe it all sounds exhausting because I don't take care of my body and it lacks stimulation and nutrients. But unfortunately I'm still tired. 

Whew. Just had to get that off my chest. I wish being a mom was a little bit easier. I wish holiday magic was a little less exhausting. I really wish we didn't have to worry about covid.