Recovering "Good Girl"

I've been thinking a lot about what makes life worth living, and I'm starting to realize I thought too much about what other people think about what makes life worth living. So maybe I'll be here writer like I always wanted to be as a kid? Or maybe I'll start singing for random stuff just for fun. Things I always wanted to do but I was taught were not profitable or maybe I wasn't as good at as somebody else, so it wasn't worth trying. Also, I have been afraid to fail, I've been afraid of being judged, but I saw a thing recently where this lady said being cringy is a win-win situation, because you benefit, and also other people benefit from seeing you try. It's very empowering. Will I be able to act on all of these feelings immediately? Probably not... But at least I want to try! That's a pretty big step for me, and I think it might help with my depression too. I've been suspecting for a while that my depression might actually be a side effect of masking autism or trying to live my life in a way that isn't true to myself. When I first learned that depression could be a side effect of untreated ADHD, it got a lot of wheels in my brain turning... I have long felt that I am lazy, and perhaps it's not laziness, just not "normal." 

So anyway, that thing about being cringy kind of flipped a switch for me. Somehow I now feel like I have permission to be weird or uncomfortable, and that's okay. It will help me grow, it will help others grow, I can model for my children, but also I can live a fuller life. 

And who knows! Maybe as I explore the things that bring me joy, I will find work that I find profitable or somewhat enjoyable, that is compatible with my current life, not having to worry about fitting my life around a new job (which has been SO STRESSFUL). 

Something something manifestation, am I right?